STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
