Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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