i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
