I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
