i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
