I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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