okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
