Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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