Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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