Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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