I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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