Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
