just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
