Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
