Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
