My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a search helicopter?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
