didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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