i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
