i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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