She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
