Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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