all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drake has all the answers
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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