Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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