I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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