i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
