Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
