OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
