Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
