I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
