Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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