the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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