i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
