Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
These tits shall not be calmed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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