My room smells like vodka and shame
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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