In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
