I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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