you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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