he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
