I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
