Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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