I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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