oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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