the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
