gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
