Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
