yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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