So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
