all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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