i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
