hell yes lets make some ravioli
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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