and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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