i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
