i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
