I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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