I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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