Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
