her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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