Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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