you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
