And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
