I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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