God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
