i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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