I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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