so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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