we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
