What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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