when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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