why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
