I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
