why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize