i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
