Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
