you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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