Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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