You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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