matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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